People Behaving Badly

Irrational and evil thoughts that came out of my mouth last night at Justine’s when my sister and I were forced to stand for 2 hours waiting for a table.

“Check out that douche bag, moving in on the only open barstool.”

“Could you people be any taller?”

“Well aren’t you special with your hipster bangs. Of course you deserve that spot more than we do.”

“Looks like Baldy over there is about to have a threesome with Eighties Hair and Serial Killer.”

“Umm, I don’t think so, Princess. Ordering soup at the bar, means you have forfeited your right to a table in the dining room.”

“Call me Sullen.”

“Oops, did I spill my drink on you?”

“Unless you’re proposing marriage, Asshole, pay the tab and move along.”

“Tell me that bitch didn’t just order espresso.”

“Is every table in this shit hole ordering dessert?”

“We’re definitely ordering dessert.”

“When I asked for escargot, I think he heard, ‘please just go.’”

“God, how I hate the French.”